Today is Friday. The third snow day, here in Redmond. Meaning no school. It really couldn't have come at a better time. The past two weeks I have been through a wide range of emotions. First I thought IVF failed again, and then I got the message the next day, that I was pregnant. For a week, I was in shock, I felt excited, and anxious to see the baby or babies in an ultrasound in the next few weeks. However, on Saturday, my body started to reject the pregnancy. Reagan had a game in Prineville. I didn't know what to do. I didn't know where to go. I didn't want to drag anyone into my mess of emotions, but had no idea if I was overreacting or what to do. I called my friend, Lisa. She was able to guide and take me to where I needed to go. Since, my regular doctor was off and after speaking with the doctor on call from my OB, I was told to go into the ER.
We stayed at the ER for a little over four hours. They did a blood test to check my levels, an ultrasound, and a couple of other tests. My HGC level was over 1,000, but was told I had to do another blood test on Monday. So, I waited until school was out. I then found out that my levels were at 195 and that I was in the process of miscarrying. I went to school the next day. It was an ok day. I wasn't happy about the news by any means, but was able to get through the day. I was really glad to have a snow day the following day. I thought I was over being upset and then someone at the dentist asked me on Wednesday, if I thought I might be pregnant, because if I was, I couldn't do x-rays. I told them that I still might be. Although, I know in my heart that I am not, I still have that small glimmer of hope, that one of the embryos are still there. But then, if it was, it wouldn't be healthy.
I am not the only person going through this struggle to get pregnant. It is not fun, but something will work out. Not sure what yet. But something will.
Thank you for all of you love and support.
Until next time.
Friday, December 16, 2016
Tuesday, December 6, 2016
The Bad and the Really Good
It is 9:24pm right now. The past 24 hours has been a whirlwind of emotions. I was scheduled for a blood test yesterday to see if I was pregnant. I chose the latest appointment at 6:15 in the evening so Reagan could come with me. I was 50/50 on whether or not implantation worked. I told myself that I'd be just fine if it didn't work. When we were called in to do the blood draw, the doctor said the results wouldn't be back until the morning. So I asked if it was too early to do a urine sample. The nurse said it could detect if I was pregnant. I waited all day to find out, so I did the test. Maybe I was more hopeful than I had thought. Because when the test came back negative, it felt like a tall glass shattered beneath me. The tears started rolling and I couldn't stop. My doctor had asked Reagan and I how things were going beforehand since I was in such a high dose of hormones. I didn't know how to stop being so upset. I didn't want Hadley to see me that way so I went into the spare bedroom to be alone. The last time I felt more level headed when I got the negative result after the first failed IVF cycle. This time I felt like, with my doctor saying that I could only do Clomid two more rounds (although it has never worked for me), it was the end of the road for the time being, with the cost of adoption being so high.
So, I took two sleeping pills to stop thinking of it, so I could function and work in the morning. Smart right? When I woke up this morning, my eyes were so red and swollen. I had to manipulate my very small eyelids so they didn't look like Kwazimoto. For some reason, my tears felt like acid on my face and caused a rash around my eyes as well. I felt like I was going to get another rejection today from my blood test, so I opted not to put on any makeup and cuddled with Hadley a little longer this morning instead.
Reagan called me before the kids came in. He said right away, " Honey, we are pregnant!" I said you are a jerk, why would you say that to me. He then told me that my doctor tried to call me to let me know the blood test came back as being positive. I was so confused and feeling really guilty for taking the sleeping medicine the night before.
We are so happy. But it doesn't feel real still. Now we need to know how many!
I know that with all of your thoughts and prayers that this is why we are in this great position. Our gratefulness for all of you is unending. Thank you for all of your love and support! ❤️
So, I took two sleeping pills to stop thinking of it, so I could function and work in the morning. Smart right? When I woke up this morning, my eyes were so red and swollen. I had to manipulate my very small eyelids so they didn't look like Kwazimoto. For some reason, my tears felt like acid on my face and caused a rash around my eyes as well. I felt like I was going to get another rejection today from my blood test, so I opted not to put on any makeup and cuddled with Hadley a little longer this morning instead.
Reagan called me before the kids came in. He said right away, " Honey, we are pregnant!" I said you are a jerk, why would you say that to me. He then told me that my doctor tried to call me to let me know the blood test came back as being positive. I was so confused and feeling really guilty for taking the sleeping medicine the night before.
We are so happy. But it doesn't feel real still. Now we need to know how many!
I know that with all of your thoughts and prayers that this is why we are in this great position. Our gratefulness for all of you is unending. Thank you for all of your love and support! ❤️
Friday, November 25, 2016
Goodbye Korea, Hello Reality
It is 2:09am in Oregon. We left Korea at 6:00pm on Thursday and arrived in Oregon at 2:40pm on Thursday. We time traveled back four hours! Our flight back was good. Not a whole lot of sleeping. My internal clock is completely messed up. I hope by Monday it gets back on track. Although our flight was long we were able to sit next to a really nice man who is also a teacher, but a teacher in Korea. It was really interesting learning about their culture related to education.
Katelyn and I parted ways at the Portland airport. It was such an unforgettable experience being able to spend time with her. What a blessing it was having her by my side during the whole process. I can't thank her enough. I will miss seeing the buildings and history that date back so far. There were endless amounts of things to do in Seoul. We woke up everyday and explored everyday until we went to bed at night (except for the afternoon when I got sick). The food was outstanding from the street food, to the bakeries, and traditional restaurants that we went to. Not once did we feel scared about the protests happening against their president. The only time they protest are on weekends. There are hundreds of thousands who are protesting, but do so in a nonviolent manner in one area of Seoul. I feel more worried in Portland for sure.
I'll have to wait, like I said until December 5th to find out if I'm pregnant or not. It will be ok if I'm not. The man next to us on the plane said him and his wife weren't able to get pregnant either. It took them 8 years. He said the church he was going to told him to pray everyday for a month. They went to their church at 4:30 in the morning everyday to pray. After a month they got pregnant with their daughter who is now 20 years old. So, compared to a lot of people who are struggling, ours isn't as great as others. Do we really want another child? Of course! But if God didn't make us wait for Hadley the first time around we wouldn't have had her. It will all work out the way it's supposed to. Paired with the fact that my embryos were going to be discarded if not used by next year and the price for the tickets to Seoul, right now just felt like a good time to give it everything I have.
I will update you on or around December 5th. I will leave you with some pictures from our trip. We love you all! I can't wait to see all of you!
The three embryos that were implanted. One was of good quality and the other two were average.
Fish Market in Seoul. You can pick out your fresh seafood, alive or not.
You can go upstairs and take it to a restaurant and they will prepare it for you there.
This is one of the restaurants. I did not partake, as I do not enjoy seafood. Katelyn and JeeYoon did. They got quite a bit of raw seafood for a good price. And they ate it!
Last night is Seoul with JeeYoon and Katelyn
My favorite dessert, Papbingsu! This is a honey one. There were apples, honey, and honey comb on top. It is served on fluffy ice that has been mixed with Korean milk. Amazing!
Our breakfast was served buffet style in the traditional dolset bowls.
One of the palaces we went with, with Soo and Katelyn.
Mango papbingsu!
Namdaemun - one of my favorite outdoor markets. The malls that surround the outdoor markets are way too expensive! There is shopping for all kinds of budgets. We stuck to the outdoor markets.
This was at one of the temples. There is no camera picture taking aloud in the main part. This was outside. The lotus flower is a symbol for fertility.
View from our hotel room. Seoul is so massive in size. The people there seem to always be on the go. They dress so nice and are so respectful of each other and their city.
I made Katelyn go to Khanbu Chicken again. This time it was too spicy!
Another favorite of ours! Hotteok for a dollar! It is a chewy, crispy, sweet dessert you can get out on the streets of Seoul. There were too many options for food. We didn't get all of our bucket list done. That just means, we'll have to go again someday. Darn.
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
One More Try
Wednesday, November 23, 2016
It is 10:21 right now. I am laying in a hospital bed waiting to be discharged. I was scheduled for implantation at 9:00. I arrived just in the nick of time, even with getting lost once before arriving here. I was coming from a different part of Seoul so I got turned around. Dr. Ku told me she had three embryos ready to be transferred. She said I could do two or three. I asked her what would happen to third and she said it would be discarded. Without hesitation I requested all three to be implanted. Only one embryo is of good quality, while the other two are average. Last time I did this procedure, I had two embryos implanted. So, I'm just praying and hoping at least one of them cross the finish line. This time around has been so easy. I was able to get away with not getting any shots!!!!!! The last time, it felt like I was being injected almost every day. I don't know how I should feel. I don't want to get too excited and then have to fall even farther down. But I don't want to be pessimistic either.
My nurse just came in, so I've got to run. I have to take all of my medications until December 5th. That's when we will find out if it was a success or not! Love you all!!!
It is 10:21 right now. I am laying in a hospital bed waiting to be discharged. I was scheduled for implantation at 9:00. I arrived just in the nick of time, even with getting lost once before arriving here. I was coming from a different part of Seoul so I got turned around. Dr. Ku told me she had three embryos ready to be transferred. She said I could do two or three. I asked her what would happen to third and she said it would be discarded. Without hesitation I requested all three to be implanted. Only one embryo is of good quality, while the other two are average. Last time I did this procedure, I had two embryos implanted. So, I'm just praying and hoping at least one of them cross the finish line. This time around has been so easy. I was able to get away with not getting any shots!!!!!! The last time, it felt like I was being injected almost every day. I don't know how I should feel. I don't want to get too excited and then have to fall even farther down. But I don't want to be pessimistic either.
My nurse just came in, so I've got to run. I have to take all of my medications until December 5th. That's when we will find out if it was a success or not! Love you all!!!
A Big Recovery
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
It is 6:04pm. We just checked into our last hotel. The first three nights we stayed at the Ramada Inn near the hospital. It wasn't the greatest experience we have had, but it did the job. The fourth night we checked into the Somerset Palace near most of the palaces and did a lot of sight seeing around that area. Tonight we are staying at the Park Hyatt in Gangnam thanks to the help from Katelyn's brother. Thanks, Kyle, by the way! I'm so glad we did it this way, so that we didn't know how undesirable the first three nights were.
Yesterday we went to Gyeoungbuk Palace and enjoyed the scenery there. Then we met up with Katelyn's friend Jee Yoon and had really good mandu (dumpings). After lunch, I was feeling absolutely miserable. I felt so sick from the lack of sleep and all of the medicine, I stayed in the hotel room and slept while Yi Yoon and Katelyn went to the Bukchan village (traditional village). I was feeling so homesick yesterday afternoon and didn't know if I was going to make it three more nights. But after a good nap I was up and ready to go again. One of my favorite Korean dishes is the fried chicken. I don't know why it's so good, but it is. Then we headed out for some evening shopping. I thought it was around 9:00pm and it was actually 12:00 am. As an average, I have been only able to sleep four hours a night, but last night I slept 8. And boy do I feel like a new person.
This morning, we met up with Soo again. She took us to another palace and then we went out to lunch and had shabu shabu. It is Korean custom to share food. When having any soups, most of the time there will be one pot on a burner in the middle. Then everyone has their own bowls. At the restaurant she took us to, she said some Korean restaurants are giving single servings. The food again, was amazing.
The best news of all is that I have my appointment at 9:00 tomorrow morning for implantation!!!! Thank you for all of your prayers and well wishes. I couldn't be more blessed to have all of you in my life.
It is 6:04pm. We just checked into our last hotel. The first three nights we stayed at the Ramada Inn near the hospital. It wasn't the greatest experience we have had, but it did the job. The fourth night we checked into the Somerset Palace near most of the palaces and did a lot of sight seeing around that area. Tonight we are staying at the Park Hyatt in Gangnam thanks to the help from Katelyn's brother. Thanks, Kyle, by the way! I'm so glad we did it this way, so that we didn't know how undesirable the first three nights were.
Yesterday we went to Gyeoungbuk Palace and enjoyed the scenery there. Then we met up with Katelyn's friend Jee Yoon and had really good mandu (dumpings). After lunch, I was feeling absolutely miserable. I felt so sick from the lack of sleep and all of the medicine, I stayed in the hotel room and slept while Yi Yoon and Katelyn went to the Bukchan village (traditional village). I was feeling so homesick yesterday afternoon and didn't know if I was going to make it three more nights. But after a good nap I was up and ready to go again. One of my favorite Korean dishes is the fried chicken. I don't know why it's so good, but it is. Then we headed out for some evening shopping. I thought it was around 9:00pm and it was actually 12:00 am. As an average, I have been only able to sleep four hours a night, but last night I slept 8. And boy do I feel like a new person.
This morning, we met up with Soo again. She took us to another palace and then we went out to lunch and had shabu shabu. It is Korean custom to share food. When having any soups, most of the time there will be one pot on a burner in the middle. Then everyone has their own bowls. At the restaurant she took us to, she said some Korean restaurants are giving single servings. The food again, was amazing.
The best news of all is that I have my appointment at 9:00 tomorrow morning for implantation!!!! Thank you for all of your prayers and well wishes. I couldn't be more blessed to have all of you in my life.
A Big Recovery
Tuesday, November 22, 2016
It is 6:04pm. We just checked into our last hotel. The first three nights we stayed at the Ramada Inn near the hospital. It wasn't the greatest experience we have had, but it did the job. The fourth night we checked into the Somerset Palace near most of the palaces and did a lot of sight seeing around that area. Tonight we are staying at the Park Hyatt in Gangnam thanks to the help from Katelyn's brother. Thanks, Kyle, by the way! I'm so glad we did it this way, so that we didn't know how undesirable the first three nights were.
Yesterday we went to Gyeoungbuk Palace and enjoyed the scenery there. Then we met up with Katelyn's friend Jee Yoon and had really good mandu (dumpings). After lunch, I was feeling absolutely miserable. I felt so sick from the lack of sleep and all of the medicine, I stayed in the hotel room and slept while Jee Yoon and Katelyn went to the Bukchan village (traditional village). I was feeling so homesick yesterday afternoon and didn't know if I was going to make it three more nights. But after a good nap I was up and ready to go again. One of my favorite Korean dishes is the fried chicken. I don't know why it's so good, but it is. Then we headed out for some evening shopping. I thought it was around 9:00pm and it was actually 12:00 am. As an average, I have been only able to sleep four hours a night, but last night I slept 8. And boy do I feel like a new person.
This morning, we met up with Soo again. She took us to another palace and then we went out to lunch and had shabu shabu. It is Korean custom to share food. When having any soups, most of the time there will be one pot on a burner in the middle. Then everyone has their own bowls. At the restaurant she took us to, she said some Korean restaurants are giving single servings. This was one of them. The food again, was amazing. After Soo left we headed back to Insadong and had traditional tea. We sat on heated floors. It felt so nice since it was a lot cooler out today.
The best news of all is that I have my appointment at 9:00 tomorrow morning for implantation!!!! Thank you for all of your prayers and well wishes. I couldn't be more blessed to have all of you in my life.
It is 6:04pm. We just checked into our last hotel. The first three nights we stayed at the Ramada Inn near the hospital. It wasn't the greatest experience we have had, but it did the job. The fourth night we checked into the Somerset Palace near most of the palaces and did a lot of sight seeing around that area. Tonight we are staying at the Park Hyatt in Gangnam thanks to the help from Katelyn's brother. Thanks, Kyle, by the way! I'm so glad we did it this way, so that we didn't know how undesirable the first three nights were.
Yesterday we went to Gyeoungbuk Palace and enjoyed the scenery there. Then we met up with Katelyn's friend Jee Yoon and had really good mandu (dumpings). After lunch, I was feeling absolutely miserable. I felt so sick from the lack of sleep and all of the medicine, I stayed in the hotel room and slept while Jee Yoon and Katelyn went to the Bukchan village (traditional village). I was feeling so homesick yesterday afternoon and didn't know if I was going to make it three more nights. But after a good nap I was up and ready to go again. One of my favorite Korean dishes is the fried chicken. I don't know why it's so good, but it is. Then we headed out for some evening shopping. I thought it was around 9:00pm and it was actually 12:00 am. As an average, I have been only able to sleep four hours a night, but last night I slept 8. And boy do I feel like a new person.
This morning, we met up with Soo again. She took us to another palace and then we went out to lunch and had shabu shabu. It is Korean custom to share food. When having any soups, most of the time there will be one pot on a burner in the middle. Then everyone has their own bowls. At the restaurant she took us to, she said some Korean restaurants are giving single servings. This was one of them. The food again, was amazing. After Soo left we headed back to Insadong and had traditional tea. We sat on heated floors. It felt so nice since it was a lot cooler out today.
The best news of all is that I have my appointment at 9:00 tomorrow morning for implantation!!!! Thank you for all of your prayers and well wishes. I couldn't be more blessed to have all of you in my life.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kbx7sJMycRo
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)